A harmonious Christmas?
We’ve been due a jolly and harmonious Christmas for a while now.
We’ve defo had our fair share of disastrous ones with slipped disks, grumpy Grandparents and sick children (click here for last year’s fiasco!) so it was an absolute delight to have a cracker this year where the fizz flowed, the banter was awesome and Santa delivered some good swag. In fact, I felt quite bereft when we took the Christmas tree down on New Year’s Day and finished the last of the Christmas cheese (maaan, I love a bit of fruity Stilton), but for the sake of my waist line and liver, it’s probably a good thing the festivities have come to end, my jeans are more than snug, code for “I can’t actually fasten them” and dry January is in full swing.
So why was Christmas so good this year?
Was it the presents, the weather, my boozy Christmas cake (which, by the way, was ace, I’ll share the not so secret recipe soon) or was it just that for the first time in ages, everyone was on good form over the festivities? I think, my friends, it was the latter. All members of the Elliott Cribb ensemble (even my Dad, who by his own admission, is not a Christmas fan…) were on cracking form! No colds or nursery-related vomit bugs, no beef (another term for ‘grumpiness’ in our household) just pure merriment and a real joy to be together. Plus, we had my brother and his family with us, which is instant lols for me as no one gets me quite like my bro, he is pretty cool.
So, the day started well with pre-8am game of Pie Face (it’s reduced to £9.99 in the Hasbro Games New Year sale, if you missed out). Doesn’t Santa just bring the best presents (said no parent ever at 7:36am, sporting a sponge of whipped cream in the eye!). Kitty had eaten a good portion of wrapping paper by this point and Mummy and Daddy’s Bucks Fizz ratio was defo more fizz to bucks, so the Christmas morning was off to a jolly good start. We had brekkie over at our neighbour’s house, which was a total treat and after a few games of ‘musical Christmas statues’ for our ridiculously excited kids it was back to our’s for Christmas dinner prep.
We were cooking for ten this year and I’m not saying that we nailed Christmas dinner, but with the help of everything that Aunt Bessie’s has to offer (goose fat roasted potatoes, honey roasted parsnips AND Yorkshires) plus some cheeky Mary Berry sprouts and a massive turkey, we did a pretty good job. After lunch we watched the Queen’s speech and then had a wash-up party in the kitchen sporting our ace poundland antlers!
This all sounds rather harmonious doesn’t it and I could totally leave you all thinking our day was perfect, but if we rewind a few hours you’ll see that Christmas was very nearly ruined….by hubbie.
BUTTER – GATE will NEVER be forgotten.
Butter-Gate you ask? What is that? Well, let me fill you in…so hubbie always preps and roasts the turkey, he loves that shizzle, you know sticking a lemon up it’s bum and all that. And as every turkey connoisseur knows, you need to ‘massage’ (WTF) the turkey with butter for the perfect crispy skin. Apparently the butter needs to be at room temperature and, as our butter was at in-the-fridge-temperature, hubbie decided to put the whole packet ON TOP of the boiler for ‘a couple of minutes’ to soften it up. Let me add, that he has NEVER, in his life, done this before or warmed anything on top of the kitchen boiler for that matter….you know what’s coming next don’t you…
Over an hour later and the turkey is roasting away in the oven, massaged with some room temp butter found in the butter dish….
Hubbie: ‘er babe’ (from the kitchen) ‘can you just give me a hand’
Me: (full of Christmas cheer and fizz) ‘of course’ (wandering innocently into said kitchen) ‘what’s the probl….WHAT THE ACTUAL F******************’
BUTTER-GATE. 500grams of melted butter literally everywhere….EVERYWHERE. In the boiler, on the floor and over every surface within a 2 meter radius.
Hubbie: ‘I just forgot about it’
Me: (instantly loosing all Christmas cheer and fizz) *&@!*&%!@£ &*^)$*******%& (and on and on..)
All I will say is Thank God (literally) for our wonderful neighbour who is a bit of a pro in all things boiler-related. He left his family for almost an hour on Christmas morning to mop up salted butter and make sure our boiler wasn’t going to explode (what with hot fat dripping into the flame and all that….!). Crisis adverted. Christmas saved. ooooh look, mummy has just necked a whole bottle of prosecco!
But what would Christmas be without a bit of butter related drama eh! I bet that’s what hubbie was thinking when he popped it on top of the boiler, ooooh I know, I’ll make some exciting Christmas memories to go with the turkey…NOT.
But Mummy eventually recovered and we did have the best day and the family is still very much in tact. Here is the unashamed plug for our Family Canvas basking in the hangover of our Christmas living room. We sold record amount of these this year and as a New Year treat we are offering a 10% discount on all Lifestyle collection products. Use voucher code LIFESTYLE10 for your discount. www.redblueyou.co.uk
All that’s left to say is a Happy New Year you lovely lot. I promise more blogs and exciting stuff this year, (since I FINALLY have my shizzle together looking after two little ones!)